Balance and Choices

I recently attended People Supporting People. It was a great experience. My sincere thanks to everyone who participated and especially to those that made it happen.

Note: This is far more introspective and wordy than my normal LOTD fare so stop reading now if you don't want to read me naval gazing.

There were many insights and lessons to be gained. Some I already knew, many I recognized as things I could improve. One that's been stuck bouncing around my brain is that you have to take care of yourself before you take care of others. Since my brain seems to be stuck on that theme, I'm going to put down a few thoughts...

One thing I already knew is that serving others-- taking care of someone else's needs-- makes me feel good. It is fulfilling. Those rewarding moments can make me put up with a big pile of downside.

But a few corollaries to the rule also occurred to me:

* Sometimes the action desired or given isn't positive for the giver and/or the receiver. People do hurtful and self destructive things all the time.

* Self before others already implies that there is not enough of oneself to to meet all needs. It follows that even when you put yourself first, you still have to choose between other competing needs.

Time is the most limited commodity in my life. I have to prioritize things. (BTW, thanks for Steve and Linda for their part in helping this lesson to hit home when we went out for Pizza.) Balancing day job, night job, self, family and friends simply isn't possible sometimes. Those last three seem to suffer the most, unfortunately. One friend has half jokingly told me multiple times that I should hire a scheduler. What a wonderful thought but not really practical.

* Taking care of yourself first can involve taking care of others at the same time.

Asking my wife to attend an event with me is a positive for the organization, my wife and me. But sometimes skipping that event and staying home to play Civilization together for hours is a better choice. (Yes, even when I end up with cities razed and her gifting me troops to keep my country from being overrun.) Spending time with others, especially family, is also a part of taking care of yourself.

Do I have an answer? Well, this moment is a fine example. I sit here writing this. After I hit save, I'll probably get in to the budget book and packet to prepare for meetings next week. I also have a test environment on this laptop that should have been finished on Friday that isn't going to get done this weekend as I hoped. And never you mind the two levels of Dungeon Keeper II I tore through today instead of mowing the lawn. I guess sometimes meeting your own needs can be self destructive too. So, no, I have no answers. Sleep is a need too.

One conclusion I've come to is that I need to make better choices for myself. I am self destructive too often. Another is that to take care of myself I also need to be more selective about how I take care of others.

PSP is an excellent program helping people understand each other and get along. For me it has helped me analyze this area of concern in my life. I have already started making changes. I will continue to make changes. Some easy, some difficult. I will continue to serve others but I must also take care of myself.

Since you made it this far, thanks for reading!